Hungering for God
How The Day of Atonement helps me feel closer to God
Yesterday I observed the Day of Atonement. A few years ago I started celebrating Passover, it has become one of my favorite parts of the year and I look forward to it each spring. This got me thinking about how the other Biblical holidays and feast days could be added into my life. I haven’t gotten super good at making them a part of each year, but I have tried to observed Yom Kippur a few times now. “Observed” is probably the best word, since it’s much less a celebration. Yom Kippur, also known as the Day of Atonement, (Leviticus 23) is a sober day for reflection and “affliction”.
Let me clarify - I observe these days because I have found there is something worthwhile in considering what God asks his people to do - it’s my mind that needs changing, not God’s. Fasting and other ascetic practices aren’t a normal part of my religious life, but each time I commit to observing this day I come away feeling that it was worth it, it helped focus me and clarify.
The Bible isn’t clear about exactly what that affliction means, or how to implement this, but traditionally one abstains from work, gathers in worship, fasts, and abstains from bathing, or wearing any kind of perfume, deodorant or makeup. I did a semi fast (I had coffee and water) and since I was doing a 10 hour drive alone, I afflicted myself by focusing my time on silent prayer, or listening to contemplative music and other reflective audio. I didn’t take a shower, and while I did wash my hands after the bathroom (it wasn’t until the end of the day the I realized I had done this by habit but if I hadn’t it would have added that big jump in extra grossness). By the end of the day I felt greasy, stinky and disgusting. I was a bit strung out on coffee and annoyed because food wasn’t there to help distract me from the pain of a focused ten hour “afflicted” drive.
As I was reaching the end of the day, I thought how much we like to separate the material from the spiritual world. (Sometimes called dualism.) We’re eager to say how gross our bodies are, and how grimy the world is, but isn’t it God who made our bodies? Isn’t he the one who developed the system for eating and defecating? We spit and sweat, cough and stink - it’s all very horrifying. And yet, this is the same God who came to us, who said “come and eat, be with me, commune with me and let me commune with you.” We partake in that each week when we eat and drink with Jesus. Does he say, “when you’re perfect you can eat next” or “once you’ve eaten you’re good for life.” No, we eat all the time, almost constantly, we’re all this far from starvation. It wouldn’t take very many weeks before we died if we didn’t eat - even we chubby Americans!
Yes, we’re sweaty, and phlegmy and dirty and gross, but also alive and kicking and stubborn and unpredictable - we’re creatures. And for some unknown reason, God loves us. He didn’t wait for us to get perfect before he came and camped with us here on Earth. He doesn’t wait until we get our poop in a group (punny!), or when all of our nonsense is fixed. The day of atonement is important to me because it shows me again how frail and weak I am, how utterly I need to come back each moment to the source of life, of food, and sustenance both physically and spiritually to be united and at one with the creator of the Universe.
I hope this year bring us all closer to God, may we all recognize that he wants us now, just how we are. He will give us what we need to live life truly and fully alive (fully bathed and fed and rested, frail creatures we are!) .
Peace & Love,
Sierra