A Cigarette & A Diet Coke
Reflections on life as a friend approaches death
I’ve had a rough week, I’m not gonna lie! It’s been crazy busy (more than usual) and full of added drama, headaches and stress. Why does everything seem to pile up in a 47 drama pileup on the freeway of life?! But even through it all, I’m dumb-founded by the ways God shows me the way through and brings just the right people to encourage me.
A friend called me a few weeks ago and asked if I would visit her friend who’s in the last days/weeks of cancer. She wanted to see a priest, “I know you’re not Catholic but she said she’d like you to visit and talk.” Well I’m happy to go where I’m asked, and I always love to talk about God and his love and forgiveness for us all. It never bothers me to visit the sick and the dying, I’ve found it offers us the chance to be very honest and open. It’s one of the few times the crud is cleared from our vision and we can truly see what matters most in life.
I went to visit J, and met a wonderful vivacious and spunky late 60’s woman. Despite being in comfy clothes and weak from the battle she’s been fighting for over five years, she remains an incredibly glamorous woman. She has a beautiful 500 square foot home, that hits that balance of classy and cozy. It’s a place you want to be, overlooking a beautiful garden her husband has planted full of wildflowers and comfortable outdoor spaces. It’s a retreat. She sits snuggled up in her mission style wood recliner, covered in blankets and puffing away at a cigarette and sipping diet Coke through a straw. I’ll never be this cool.
She’s lived a rocky life, full of the normal chaos and struggle we all face, but she’s built something beautiful. It’s clear in the way her husband of twenty years (thoughtful to go see friends when I visit so we can have some time to talk) kisses her on the lips and reminds her he loves her. It’s clear in her many friends and relatives that can’t get enough of her sense of humor and effervescent love in these last days. She’s a blessing to all who know her.
We talk about many things, she tells me the story of her life, the craziness she’s endured and how life is such a gift. “I worry about my husband, he’s not really ready for me to go. But I try to remind him that this is a gift! We’ve had such a beautiful second marriage! I am so blessed to have had this time with him, our children and our many grandchildren. We’ve had such a blast with our friends and gotten to do and see so much! What a miracle! I’m so thankful for it all!”
It is a miracle. And being with her helps me see that again. Turns out I was the one that needed the most reminding.
This week she told me, “I made terrible choices in men - it was my biggest struggle. I don’t know why but I started thinking of my life as this big yellow school bus. My dad was always using analogies so I probably got it from him. I start out, and my bus is shiny and yellow and beautiful. Then as I’m driving it gets scratched up, and I drive in the ditch - careening from one ditch to another! After a while of this I feel a tap on my shoulder and Jesus says to me, ‘Hey, why don’t you let me drive for a bit?’ Of course I tell him no, I’ve got this, and then after a while of continued ditch driving, I feel another tap, this time a bit firmer and he tells me again, ‘You’re so tired, could I help you drive?’ This time I finally give in and let him drive, and do you know what happens? My bus gets shiny, clean and healthy again; I’m rested and feeling great! So of course the next thing I do is go up and demand to drive again. Which he lets me do until of course I’m in the ditch again wondering where I’ve gotten off track. The real beauty is that I had this experience and I’ve shared it with friends who really needed to let God help in their lives. They were tired and worn out and wouldn’t let God rescue them. So I feel good for that, it helped me help a lot of people! I would just tell them, “Who’s driving your bus?”
Of course this is just the reminder I needed as I come careening down the road from this nutty week. Who’s driving? Why don’t I stop worrying, stressing and reacting and let God help?
How funny He is to connect us with the people we need in just the moment we need them. Praise God for the people he brings into our lives, for short and long periods of time. I’m so blessed to get these visits with J and sit with her listening to her beautiful and crazy life. I’m only sad you won’t get to know her too - but someday we can meet up for a diet Coke and a cigarette and share the glorious and wonderful ways that God delivered us all!
May you have a blessed week,
Sierra