The Truth I MAY Be Ready to Hear

What is the Holy Spirit whispering into your life?

Where this magic happens… My messy desk, in my freshly painted pink office, with pictures I still haven’t hung, my sun lamp, my incense crumbs and random notes to remind me of all the things not to forget. I love people’s personal space. It’s private and telling and unique to them. What does your desk space look like?

To ourselves we are just normal, so it’s sometimes hard to understand what’s true - isn’t this how everyone is, deep down?

A friend recently said to me, “In order to combat imposter syndrome I’ve started to realize I need to acknowledge when someone tells me something, whether good or bad, and consider it. If it’s lower than my estimation of myself, I can toss it out (but acknowledge how I might grow from their critique) and if it’s higher then I need to accept it until my own view of my skills and talents matches or exceeds their view.”

I love this, because just when I thought I was beyond imposter syndrome, it continues to rear it’s ugly head in my life. Logically I know it’s untrue, and that I am forging ahead on a path opened by the Holy Spirit in so many areas of life, but it doesn’t change how I feel.

How I feel.

Another person told me this week, “You are a feeling first kind of person. You feel deeply. Which isn’t to say you don’t think but in each of us one comes first and the other second. You feel then unpack how you feel logically.”

I did not know this. In my culture feelings are to be trampled upon, crushed and discarded quickly. They are so undesirable as to be almost pointless and definitely not to be trusted. So I could never give this credence. To be a feel first person is to be …. While not stupid …. Not to be sought or held onto.

But I am.

As soon as I heard this, I realized it is true. (And I realize there’s a large possibility I have heard this before but wasn’t in a space to recognize or listen.) I do feel then figure out how and why. Feeling is a gift; it’s a skill to learn to recognize our feelings and understand what and why we feel them. (Try spending time with a toddler and you’ll realize the ability to recognize, identify and categorize feelings — let alone decide what to do because of our feelings — isn’t something we are born with.) While I do think feelings can’t be how to make all choices, they are a kind of litmus test about what’s happening. When we choose to repress, ignore and discard our feelings it’s risky, they’re telling us things we need to hear.

You know how it is, you hear a thing and then you see it all over. While looking for quotes for another project I found this:

“To ignore, repress, or dismiss our feelings is to fail to listen to the stirrings of the Spirit within our emotional life. Jesus listened. In John's Gospel we are told that Jesus was moved with the deepest emotions (11:33)... The gospel portrait of the beloved Child of Abba is that of a man exquisitely attuned to His emotions and uninhibited in expressing them. The Son of Man did not scorn of reject feelings as fickle and unreliable. They were sensitive antennae to which He listened carefully and through which He perceived the will of His Father for congruent speech and action.”

― Brennan Manning, Abba's Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging

After all, who gave us feelings - who designed our bodies like this? If I believe flesh, spirit and mind are all connected then how can I discard a huge part of how we function? Am I so uncomfortable with how I feel? (Don’t answer!)

And just like my friend who tries to attach to the best view of his skills and talents, I’m trying to listen to the truth of this observation in my life. I do need to feel the feeling, recognize it, study it, and then set it down without throwing it away. Maybe the things that I am needing to realize won't be immediately recognizable. But perhaps the Holy Spirit is also whispering to us through these things. What does He want to say into our lives? It only works if we’re ready and willing to hear.

I’ll be sitting with this this week as I continue to grow hopefully closer to God and allow him to heal my heart, my body and my mind in ways I haven't been able to recognize are broken and in need of healing.

With love,

Sierra

P.S. Some of you have asked about how church is going. Now that the crushing pressure of starting is over it’s just a measured drum beat of showing up, doing a thing, and continuing. I can do that. We are small but growing in measured steps each week, learning to crawl before we run. It’s perfect. And when I feel a bit discouraged God reveals a thing or something happens to help me feel His presence in this. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement - they mean more than you can know! Want to know more about what we’re doing? Check out our Church Substack.